Beauty in the Wilderness

These past few weeks have been what you would call real doozies.

Of the hundreds of emotions on a woman's emotional spectrum, let's just say I've experienced them all. Oh, yes. All. Poor, poor hubby.

Sprinkling the emotional smorgasbord have been my frequent, riveting meltdowns. In fact, I shared about one of those right here. Bless the Marys in all of our lives.

Had another one today. Yup, it was the pinnacle of my meltdown career so far. Oh, was it ever u-g-l-y. I mean mascara running down my cheeks and everything. It was bad.

The meltdown itself was born from deep disappointment and exhaustion. You see, we've been walking through a wilderness place for the last ten months or so. It's been a painful, confusing, tiring place and I'm ready to be done with it. Really, really done with it.

But I learned something today. New ideas and dreams are born in the wilderness. That's where we are stretched enough to allow those God-size dreams to be revealed to us. It's terribly scary and disconcerting.

And beautiful. Oh, so very, very beautiful.

So the new ideas and dreams come. We looked at each other, Hubby and I, and wondered aloud if this was really what we were both thinking. It would require some pretty serious wing-stretching and horizon-expansion. And this lady getting out of her comfort zone. I mean, waaayyyy out.

Are we willing to try it?

I'm saying let's go for it and see where it leads.

Oh boy.

What joy is this going to bring us?


Linking to Sharon's Just for the Joy of It at the Good, True and Beautiful.

Are We Friends?

If the answer is yes to that question, then get ready.

I am the type of friend who loves to know you. I want to get to know who you are, for better or worse, warts and all.

I will pursue a relationship with you. Not so that I can invade any privacy or tread where I'm not wanted. I won't stalk you. I don't want anyone feeling overwhelmed by my words or my presence. For all the words and bubbliness, I'm a good listener and have a true compassionate heart.

I will ask questions and hope I get honest answers. I love knowing other people are human, too. I will share with you about my life and experiences, wanting, maybe even expecting, the same from you. Friendship takes work and energy. It's a two-way street.

If you're uncomfortable with that, fine. I understand. Really, I do.

I'll love you anyway and try not to be too sad for the simple reason that you're a person who is worth getting to know.

You are, you know.

Feeling Kinda Jazzy

While I was growing up, we loved to listen to music. However, my parents' (gotta love 'em) collection, shall we say, was limited. I knew as I got older there was a whole world of music to explore.

Nowadays, I still love my parents' music, but I've expanded my musical horizons and discovered a whole new world of music.

Thankfully, I have a hubby who shares my love of various genres and is just as willing to listen (and dance) to the BeeGees as he is to bluegrass or gospel. Beethoven and all his cronies fit in there, too, somewhere.

It was listening to NPR one Saturday night (we're kinda nerdy like that) that we discovered one of our absolute favorites of all time.

New Orleans-style Jazz.

Maybe I should be more specific... Jim Cullum's Band from San Antonio.

Unfortunately, since the speakers are still broken (AHEM, Paco...), you will have to go over and have a listen to his incredible music. I highly recommend the Deep River Gospel album and his Cool Yule Christmas cd.

Just because it brings me joy and a sets my toes a-tappin'. As well as everyone else in this household.



Linking up to Sharon's Just for the Joy of It over at The Good, True and Beautiful.

Whew! Just barely made it... Thursday is almost over!

Growing Pains.

I ran into a friend of mine the other day. She's not one of the friends that runs with my normal "group" of gals, so I don't know her as well as I'd like. We do, however, have girls of the same age in the same PE class and literature group, so we're always comparing notes.

We were just chatting away about our summer and how the beginning of school was for us when she innocently said to me, "How is your year going? It seems like it would be crazy for you."

And that's when it happened.

The words started pouring out like I had been trying to dam up Niagara Falls. Bless dear Mary. She didn't even blink. She stood there and listened to every word I said. She cried with me, she hugged me, she listened.

For forty-five minutes.

I laid it all out there. The good, the bad and the ugly were all there for her to see.

I had bared my soul and I couldn't take it back.

In the end, she thanked me for my honesty and willingness to open up. She said that people in the church today are too fakey and that when you ask how they're doing, they paste a smile on and say, "Just fine."

But isn't it our job as the church to love and encourage each other?

In the end, there were two comments Mary made that has stuck with me.

"This is a before and after year for you. As hard as this year is, there will most likely be a definite difference in you. There will be a Before Jamie and an After Jamie."

I love the thought of that! I don't want to go back to the old fear-driven, controlling Jamie.

"There might not be something that God is trying to purge out of you. It might just be that He's bringing you to a new level of obedience and trust."

This was after I said that we were willing to learn any lesson, get rid of any thing that was blocking our relationship with Him. It took my breath away to realize that this time is not necessarily a result of something we did wrong. We don't have to be feeling like we should be walking around yelling out, "Mia culpa! Mia culpa!"

God in His infinite wisdom knows what is going on. He sees the tapestry that is being woven together when all I can see are the individual threads.

And I'd like to thank Him. I'd like to thank Him for sending sweet Mary to ask me that question. Thank You, God, for Your grace and love. Thank You for sending someone to ask me that. I love You, Lord, and I take pleasure in being your child.

I'd also like to thank Mary. Thank you, Mary, for not running off when an innocent question turned into a crying session. Thank you, for not rushing off to get home to your family and your aromatic Indian dinner you so lovingly made for them. Thank you for your assurance that even though I knew I'd probably hate myself the next morning for opening up too much, you wouldn't hate me.

That is grace, my friends...the wonderful, precious gift of grace.

Sweet and Simple

I had a simple and sweet moment today.

I'm so thankful that in a world of crazy chaos and hubbub, I serve a God who reminds that the peace and simplicity that my soul craves is here. Waiting for me to seize it.

The question is do I see it? Am I willing to take the time to understand what it is and revel in it?

Today, I was.



I was sitting on the couch today, lost in my own little world. Actually, I was lost in the last of a series of books that are quickly becoming my favorite series of all time.

Sidenote and Caution: It's never a good thing to get lost in a series of books when you're supposed to be schooling one child, monitoring two others who are supposed to be cleaning up a momentous mess, and an eighteen-month-old flitting in between. Believe me.

As I was sitting there with my nose buried, Ju-Ju came and plopped himself down next to me. I could tell he was feeling restless and would not let me have my book in peace. I tried to distract him with, "Where's your lion book?" For a moment it worked. He scuttled away, coming back with a book. Expecting me to read it to him.

Alright, my book could wait, begrugingly I thought.

And then he looked at me with those big brown eyes and signed, 'Book. Please.'

My heart absolutely melted. If I could've, I would have given him up to half of my kingdom then and there.

We sat there, the two of us, looking at book after book. We barked like doggies and meowed like kitties and laughed uproariously. We made silly faces and had funny voices.

That's when I knew that this will be a memory I will hold tight to in my old age.

And that has brought me joy and tears.

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all." — Laura Ingalls Wilder

What has brought you joy today my friends?



Linking up to Sharon's Just for the Joy of It Thursday over at The Good, True and Beautiful.

Sweet, Sweet Ya-Ya

Every once in a while, God springs a surprise on you. Sometimes, you're prepared.

Sometimes, you're not.

Case in point: Ya-Ya

Bubba was only nine months old when I found out we would be needing to buy a double stroller, another crib, two sizes of diapers...

I knew from that very first moment that this child would be different from her siblings. Determination should have been her middle name. Not only did she beat the odds even being conceived, but then she decided to come four weeks early.

Since I have c-sections with all my babies, doctor's don't want me to labor. So even though the contractions weren't painful, they were regular and off we went to the hospital we went. Lo and behold, she was coming early on September 12, 2006. I still feel badly about the poor women who were forced to labor in the overcrowded hallways as I merrily got wheeled to the OR. Fifteen minutes later, a star was born.

Ever since, our lives have been full overwhelming cuteness,

a smile that lights up a room,

and boundless energy (boundless, I tell you!).

Never have I met someone with such joie de vivre,

spunk,

and pure wit.

She strikes you as fiercely independant, and she is. However, there are times when she still needs her mama.

A fact that I'm quite pleased about.

Although, it's her Daddy that's wrapped around her wee little finger.

And don't let those big brown eyes and innocent looking face fool you.

My sister said it best when she said, "She may be wee, but she's fierce."

And we all just sit back and watch.

With Ya-Ya around, there's always a show.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Girl.

May the Lord bless you and keep you,
and make His face shine upon you.
May He turn His countenance upon you,
and give you peace.

What Shall We Name the Baby?

It's the age old question. Your choices are sure to get some gasps of horror and some cries of delight from friends and relatives.

It's a lot of pressure.

It's also one of the best parts of being pregnant and one of the most joyous, to be sure.

Paco and I have always been exceedingly picky about our babies' names. Well, what parent isn't? My mother is convinced that we purposely choose names she doesn't like. What we do is (subconsciously, of course) is tell her names we know she won't like and then spring the real names on her.

Um, actually, I wish that was the case. She's never really crazy about any of the names we choose. But, she is still a good nonnie and loves her grandbabies to pieces. Love you, Mom! (You know, just in case she's reading this.)

This time is no different. There's an unsaid list of prequalifications that a name has to go through before it's even considered in the running. This list includes items such as:

-How will it sound when our child is ninety five years old and living in a nursing home?

-How does it go with an Irish last name, but a decidedly half-Mexican mama? Unfortunately, many of the names I like have latin origins and that just doesn't go with our very Irish last name.

-What would the initials be? For example, we wouldn't choose Alistair Sedgewick if our last name was Smith. Actually, we probably wouldn't choose that name anyways.

-If the baby is a girl, is the name enough for people to see it written down and automatically know it's a girl? Or the same if it's a boy? I have issues with this. Deep issues.

-Does it go with our other kids names? Well, maybe not that one so much. The girls and Bubba have more traditional names, while Ju-Ju, well, it IS a Bible name. I guess you can't get more traditional than that.

-Most importantly, what would their blog name be? Okay, okay, so that's not the most important, but it sure is up there.

-The really most important thing to us is actually the meaning of their name. I firmly believe that the meaning of their name says a lot about who this person is. If you think about it, you're saying that name over and over, so you're speaking that into their lives.

Oh, the pressure of it all!

Here are my suggestions for girl names:

Elizabeth Grace
Hannah Grace
Emmalee (something Biblical)
Ana Elizabeth

*Grace because of our little hospital visit last week*

Paco's are:

Charlotte Elizabeth
Lucy Elizabeth

Our boy name is said and done, so there's no question there. It's actually the name we had for Ju-Ju before God changed it on us. Another story for another day...

I would love to know what your opinions are. I'm working my womanly wiles on my hubby (wink, wink) but who knows what we'll eventually end up with. In fact, we always have an alternate name, too, just in case the baby comes out looking like an Alistair Sedgewick. But because our last name isn't Smith, the initial thing would all work out.

And I'm pretty joyful about that. Well, the whole name thing really.

What do you think? Do you like any of those, or do you think all of our taste is in our mouth?



Linking up to Sharon's Just for the Joy of It over at Good, True and Beautiful.

Freckles and All

I have a few minutes this morning because Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard is bare. As in, when I look in the pantry, there might possibly be spider webs and crickets chirping.

Because we go to church on Saturday evenings, we occasionally go grocery shopping on Sunday mornings. Every time I walk into a store on Sunday morning, I wish I had a shirt on that says, "Yes, I went to church!" Although, if others are there too, then they most likely didn't go and don't care if I did. But I care.

Sooooo, because the cupboard is bare and Old Father Hubbard had to run to get doughnuts for children who seem to be bottom-less pits, here I am.

We have no food, so I'm starving. I don't write well when I'm starving. I can't share with you the most important thoughts and lessons that the Lord is teaching me because my tummy is growling too loudly.

Therefore, I've decided to share quirky Jamie things with you. I cannot tell you how much I love knowing other people's quirks. It always makes my day when I know I'm not the only one out there who has little idiosyncrasies.

Okay, so here we go:

1. I never go outside without shoes on. I loathe and despise dirty feet.

2. I am a chronic daydreamer. My teachers always wrote about that on my report cards.

3. I can't go to sleep at night unless I'm on my left side and have a sheet over me. Even if it's 115 outside.

4. If I had the money, I would spend it on traveling all around the country and the world, especially Europe and Australia.

5. I've never traveled further east (in the States) than San Antonio, Texas, unless you count flying over. Which I don't.

6. I have over fifty first cousins. Let me just say, family reunions rock!

7. The shirts hanging in my closet are hung in rainbow order.

8. I have a tendency to get really, really excited about something, commit to it, and then wish I hadn't. Then I'm stuck.

9. I love to learn how to do just about anything. My favorites are homemaking skills (because I didn't learn them young) and baking, which would explain why I look seven months pregnant already.

10. If you couldn't tell already, I'm quite a chatty person, especially when I'm nervous. Not so much when I'm tired, though.

11. If I had to choose between the mountains and the beach, the mountains would win every time. No question.

12. I have to turn the lights off at night in a certain way. My husband just chuckles at me.

13. At one point in my life, I wore a two piece bathing suit. And I looked darn good, thank you very much. That was five children ago. Now, all I want is a swimming mu mu.

14. I am a recipe follower for the most part. My husband is not. Herego, he is a much better cook than I am.

15. I love being left-handed, although I learned how to play every sport right-handed. Yes, I am the product of the public school system.

16. I am the only person in my family who has freckles. Not as many as Anne in Anne of Green Gables, but enough to be sure.

17. I am the oldest of three children. That means I'm bossy, although I like to think of myself as a good delegator.

18. I have been called many things in my life, but never have I been called tall, thin, blonde, or shy.

19. I am fascinated by history. World, country, family, you name it, I love it.

20. I love having guests. It gives me energy, and I feel it is one of my ministries. I also love when I get thirty minutes to myself. I also feel like that's one of my ministries. To myself, of course.

Ah, the euphoric cry of "Doughnuts!" was just heard. I must run before my buttermilk bars are inhaled by the afore-said bottom-less pits.

What are some of your quirks? C'mon. I shared some of mine with you.




Linking up to iFellowship over at Seeds of Faith.