Two nights in a row of getting to bed waaayyy late. So much to do, my mind is trying to get my body to keep up. My body is putting forth a valiant effort, I must say.
So that means two days in a row of going on less than my normal amount of sleep and anyone in my family can tell you, that's just not cool, mister. So sad, so true.
This also means that days have been harder, less focused, grumpier... for everyone. We've got colds running rampant through the house, sleep-deprived mama, family get-together here Thursday and Jack's first birthday party Saturday as well as Valentine's Day bearing down on me like a freight train. Laundry's still on the couch, dinner is kinda planned and school half-heartedly, half-way done. At this moment I want to cry, scream, through the mother of all temper tantrums.
But I don't.
I pray for God to redeem this day. I thank the Lord that this is the day that He has made and even though it looks just plain ugly, I praise Him for it anyway. I ask for forgiveness for my short-tempered impatience and frustration. I breathe and I smile.
The day isn't more beautiful in a second, but I'm catching the glimpses of it's beauty when I slow down and just breathe. Maybe it's in Sambo's practicing his piece of the New World Symphony on the piano (thirty-seven times in a row) while I can only play chopsticks or Judah climbing on my lap demanding hugs. Or it's Jack's soft, warm cheek after I'm done feeding him, Livy's ball-of-energy-like personality lighting up the room she's in, or Maggie's sweet helpfulness getting snacks for her brother.
Then I smile again. Because I know that in this bitter-sweetness that is motherhood, I only get to do this once. It's the twin blessing and curse of mothers from the beginning of time that our babies grow and leave us, leaving only memories and haunting smiles on our faces as we watch them go.
And I'm so thankful for the one chance I get at it.
(even if Sam keeps missing that same note all thirty-seven times...)