They're monstrous at times, rolling, breaking, thundering while I sit powerless to stop them. The waves can be overwhelming to someone who can't predict them - like me - and so I'm often surprised by them. I don't know the rhythm that they follow as they crash onto the beach and then I'm taken unawares and nearly knocked off of my feet and out of breath.
I stand firm on those two feet, futilely planting them on the ever shifting sand, as if defying those waves to hit me with their best shot. They always win. They will always win.
That's how I feel about my writing. I've never described myself as a writer, merely a great lover of words. But slowly, God has been pushing me into accepting something about myself that has felt boastful and prideful to admit before.
My name is Jamie. And I'm a writer.
(chorus: Hi, Jamie.)
As I was sharing this with my hubby this morning, he said, "Finally, you're admitting you're a writer."
But there, as always, is reluctance in saying that about myself. I've never considered myself a writer, just a scribbler who sometimes manages to get it right, like those waves that come up on shore with power that surprises me and takes my feet out from under me. I look back at it retreating and think to myself, "What was that? Where did that come from?"
With baby steps, then, I timidly step out into the waves and then throw my hands up and whoop with the great joy of it all. To experience those waves with a new boldness and respect is one of the desires of my heart.
I can't see the waves being born, but I know their Creator and Source. And like those waves, I know the Creator and Source for my writing... and He knows me.
I'll leave you with the words I wrote on Facebook this morning: "Sometimes, like a powerful wave I'm unable to stop from rolling over me, I find myself having to write. I'm powerless to stop it, so I must do it, because God made me a writer. I'm certainly not the best, never will be, but to not write would be disobedient."
With every heartbeat and breath, I long to be obedient.